Yup… I did just that!!! I know, I should have known better… but I was burnt out. I was tired. I was hurt. I was frustrated. I was annoyed.
When I left my last church, I took few months off. When I started to talk to God about my next ministry, I put a huge condition on Him. “God… I’ll go anywhere… ANYWHERE… to another city, another state, even another country! I will go ANYWHERE–just don’t send me to an Asian church!!!” I started making my own plans… I began several conversations with churches and missionaries… I even started cleaning out my stuff, and even started packin away things I didn’t think I needed right away. I was so sure that God was going to call me to leave Los Angeles, and I was excited to see where He was going to lead me. However, even when great opportunities came up, I just didn’t have that conviction nor confirmation to go… so I became indecisive and just sat on my decisions. Well, fast forward 5 months. Yes, I had received phone calls from few Asian-American churches… but I had immediately said “no” to all of them except for one only because they had different ideas and vision, which intrigued me. But deep inside, I couldn’t see myself there. Well, fast-forward few more months. God often speaks to me through amazing people in my life… and they all started talking to me about how I was letting my baggage get in the way of the most amazing opportunity. I really fought it… I really struggled through it… but you can see where this is going… I was willing to do anything for God, but I put a huge condition on Him. And the story of my life is… God called me to serve in the largest Asian-American second generation church in the country… what in the world??? I just have to look at the irony of my life, and just laugh!
I don’t believe God just sits back and enjoys messing with my life… and laughing at my life. But I believe that God is telling me that He has a perfect plan for me that is WAY better than what I have planned for myself. Yes, it’s another lesson learned… but God did give me a firm conviction and confirmation that this is where I am suppose to be… at least for now. I have to admit that I was disappointed that God didn’t listen to me, but I have no doubt that His plans for me are far better than mine… and I AM excited to start kidmin at a church right near where I live–in Los Angeles!!! It’s gonna be an exciting journey!!!