“Be silent before the LORD, all humanity, for he is springing into action from his holy dwelling.”  – Zechariah 2:13 (NLT)

I was encouraged to watch TV when I first moved to Kansas in elementary school.  I had just immigrated from South Korea, and I didn’t know any English… so Sesame Street, The Brady Bunch, Superfriends, Scooby Doo, and Three’s Company taught me how to converse in English every day after school.  Soon, the sounds of television became my safety blanket.  Fast forward 30 years later, and I still rely on the sounds of TV for comfort.  When I walk in the door, I turn on the TV within the first 30 minutes, even if I’m not watching…  I just like having that background noise…

I’ve been trying to spend some time listening for God’s voice… and I found that it’s often cluttered by noise. I’ve never been good at this silence thing  (funny cuz it doesn’t bother me when I’m in small group or something… but it bothers me when I’m alone).  I thought turning off the TV would help… I thought getting away from Starbucks or other crowded places would help…  but I finally realized that the clutter was noise of my anxiety and lack of faith…

Today’s devotion from “Jesus Calling” says:

Thank ME for the conditions that are requiring you to be still.  Do not spoil these quiet hours by wishing them away, waiting impatiently to be active again.  Some of the greatest works in My kingdom have been done from sick beds and prison cells… Limitations can be liberating when your strongest desire is living close to Me.  Quietness and trust enhance your awareness of My Presence with you.  My Strength and Power show themselves most effective in weakness.

I am super grateful for this time that I’ve had to just relax, sleep, catch up with friends, go out to eat, and sleep some more!  But as I start praying for the next phase of my life, I had started to fill up with anxiety, which often leads me to lose trust and faith in My Strength & My Power.  uuuuggghhhh….  why does this feel like an endless cycle?

I’ve been feeling like a BIG chicken the last couple of days… I had been so comfortable the last few years that now I’m so scared to face what God may have planned for me next.  And everyone thought I was the fearless, adventurous one…

Yesterday, my friend reminded me that nothing is impossible with God. From the same devotional (I hadn’t read yesterday’s devotional just yet when she pointed this out to me), she read:

When anxiety attempts to wedge its way into your thoughts, remind yourself that I am your Shepherd.  The bottom line is that I am taking care of you; therefore, you needn’t be afraid of anything.  Rather than trying to maintain control over your life, abandon yourself to My will.  Though this may feel frightening–even dangerous, the safest place to be is My will.

Thank God for His Word, and amazing friends!!!  What’s written above is nothing new, and yet it’s so profound because I just don’t learn…  I’m learning to be silent… and I’m learning to let go of my worries… and I’m learning to trust…

It sure is a lot harder than it sounds (and I teach this stuff to the kids…)