christian life · my journey

(secret) agent of God’s love…

ImageI’d like to think that I’m pretty good at showing and sharing God’s love with others.  I’ve been raised to put others before me, and that was very well modeled for me by my dad and grandparents.

Yesterday, it came to my attention that I have been very, very selfish.  It’s been about “how does this affect me? what does this mean for me and my life?”  Because I was so focused on me, I have neglected to see the bigger picture.  Because of my selfishness, I have neglected to put other’s needs before mine.

I’ve spent a good portion of last night and today processing this… the world tells me that I need to take care of me–make sure no one takes advantage of me, make sure I get credit for what I’ve done, make sure I protect myself, make sure I’m the one that’s in control of my life…

When my friend gently encouraged and challenged me to be a “secret” agent of God’s love (secret, because it’s more fun that way… and that’s what he tells his kids…), it dawned on me that I’ve been so consumed with me, my needs, my feelings, my life, etc that I have not encouraged nor met the needs of others.  All this may sound really vague right now… but I’ve had so much on my mind lately, and I haven’t been able to put them into coherent thought to write them down…

Today, I feel like I’m going to burst out of my chest if I don’t start documenting these thoughts.  So hopefully I’ll start sifting through all these thoughts and start making sense out of them enough to articulate into written form.  For today, I’ve been re-challenged to be a “secret” agent of God’s love to others rather than thinking of how it affects me first!

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