Ever feel like God is messing with you? I don’t mean to sound heretical.. and of course in my head, I know that God doesn’t do that. But that’s how it feels.
For the past four months, I’ve been asking God for direction. And I’m very thankful that opportunities have been presented to me… and while each one of them sound amazing, there has always been a huge “BUT…” I’m trying to seek God’s will and calling for the next phase of my life, and I don’t want to just settle into a ministry out of convenience or comfort. But the past month has been a crazy one… just when I think I’m close to making a decision, something else pops up and throws me off-course! There’s been so many curve-balls thrown my way this past month that it almost feels like God is totally messing with me. It makes me feel like I’m going crazy…
As I read through my devotional, I haven’t been able to get past this page:
Taste and see that I am good (Psalm 34:8). The more you experience Me, the more convinced you become of my goodness. When adversities strike, the human instinct is to doubt My goodness. My ways are mysterious, even to those who know Me intimately. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways and thoughts higher than your ways and thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). Do not try to fathom My ways. Instead, spend time enjoying Me and experiencing My goodness.
I know that God is good. I know that His ways are better than my ways. I know, I know, I know… and I believe… but it doesn’t stop me from going crazy trying to discern where God is leading me… I keep telling myself to just enjoy my time with Him… but much of my days are consumed by thoughts of trying to think through where God wants me to go next… this is ONE tough journey, and I know that when it’s over, it’ll have been an amazing one… but right now, it feels like it just kinda sucks!