I’m a dreamer by nature. I used to get distracted as a child because I was often daydreaming. As an adult, I still daydream about the life I wish I had or hope to have. I’m also a planner by nature. I used to have a blueprint of how my life was suppose to be.
Couple years ago, I will never forget the conversation I had with a dear friend of mine. Her son had recently been diagnosed with string of special needs, and she explained to me the trial and agony she and her husband had gone through that time. “You know, the hardest part was letting go of our dream for him and accepting the life God has planned for him.” She went on to explain that even though they always wanted God’s will for his life, she and her husband still had high hopes and expectations of their son. They had dreams of their son becoming a successful engineer (he’s always been very good at putting things together) or an athlete or even a pastor. They had dreams of their child growing up to become an amazing husband and father one day, but she confided that he may not have the capabilities to put others before himself. I felt the pain as she shared her struggles with me. And then it dawned on me that this is a process every parent must go through for their children as well as everyone must go through at one point for themselves. For my friend, they were forced to face this truth sooner than they had expected.
Lately, a lot of people seem to be having babies around me. And every time I hold the newborn, I can just see the feeling of blank slate in the parents. This newborn can grow up to be anything he/she wants to be. This newborn has all the potential in the world. This newborn can become the president, run a successful company, have huge impact in this world, or invent something amazing! But reality is, that dream rarely plays out the way we imagine. Soon or later, we all have to let go of the dream we have for our kids and even for ourselves and exchange them for what it is in reality…
I’ve been known to make a list of new year’s resolution… because I have high hopes and dreams for the new year. As I’ve been thinking about this for a while, it dawned on me that I haven’t fully relinquished my dreams for my life for the life God has planned for me. I still dream of fairytale life. I still dream of fairytale job. i still dream of fairytale family. I still dream of fairytale romance. It’s not bad to have dreams and goals. I still have set goals to pay off all my debt (mostly incurred through medical and medication bills) so I have vowed to give up my not-so-guilty-pleasure of mani/pedi & spa treatments ’til I pay off all my bills. But I need to fully accept the life that God has planned for me which is far better than what I have planned for myself and stop daydreaming of “what ifs” and “only ifs.”
So for 2014, I’m letting go of my dreams and plans for my life… and working on accepting the life God has planned for me… and take each day to enjoy and live to the fullest with gratitude!
gloria s. lee 