my journey

Don’t Run Away…

Doesn’t Amy Grant have a song called “don’t run away?”  haha…  well, now I’ve come to a point in my life where I need to seriously pray about some major decisions in my life.  As I’ve looked back upon my life, I’ve had to make few major decisions that may have altered the course of my life… In hind-sight, I can clearly say that God was at work in every one of these situations… but at the time, I felt like I had no idea what I was doing.

For example, I think choosing to go to UC Berkeley over UCLA was a big decision.  My dad and I fought over this decision for weeks.  Although I was being defiant, I wanted to prove to everyone that I WAS UC Berkeley material… My dad kept insisting that I go to UCLA so I could be close to home (which made me want to go further away even more).  The night before “intent to register” paperwork was due, inside I felt like I had to go to UCLA because I hadn’t sent anything in anywhere… but the stubbornness in me kept telling my dad that I wasn’t going to go to UCLA EVER!  That night, my dad gave in and said that ultimately he wants me to be happy, and that he’d be proud to have a daughter who goes to UC Berkeley.  This was the craziest thing I’ve seen my dad do–we went to the airport the next morning, bought tickets up to Oakland, and turned in my “Intent to Register at UC Berkeley” in person!  Wow…  I think back to that time… I really was just being stubborn and defiant… and I really didn’t know what I was doing… but that decision changed my life in a huge way!!!  I think being at Berkeley really had a huge part in shaping me to be who I am today (some would say for the worse.. haha).

I’ve had to make few other decisions since… some good, some bad… and although I don’t feel stressed, I do feel the anxiety of having to make possibly life-altering decisions soon.  I feel schizo at times…

DO NOT RESIST OR RUN from the difficulties in your life.  These problems are not random mistakes; they are hand-tailored blessings designed for your benefit and growth.  Embrace all the circumstances that I allow in your life, trusting Me to bring good out of them.  View problems as opportunities to rely more fully on Me.  Most of the situations that entangle your mind are not today’s concerns; you have borrowed them from tomorrow.   “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young

I’ve read those words over and over and over and over again…  everything sounds so good and holy… and while I’m trying to put everything into perspective, I can’t seem to get rid of this anxiety that I feel.  And for all I know, I could be premature in feeling all this anxiety for nothing.  However, bottom line is… I’m at a crossroads in my life, and I do need to make some major decisions… and while it sounds exciting, it also sounds daunting…

I keep telling myself, “don’t run away…” and “find peace in God.”

I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.  (John 14:27)

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